The Silent Struggles of Next-Gen Heirs: Loneliness, Trust, Betrayal and Finding True Friends & Mentors

Published by Ryan Gollan / 17 Feb 2025

We often assume that wealth means security, power, and endless opportunities, but for many next-gen heirs, the reality can be far more complicated.

Behind the curated lifestyles, private schools, and inherited legacies, there is often a deep and unspoken loneliness - even though they may seem to always have a lot of people around them. A feeling of being misunderstood, disconnected, and uncertain about who to trust.

I've lived through it (even though I did not come from wealth). Being sent to Australia too early in my teens, without direct family guidance or emotional support, made me grow up fast - but also left gaps that took years to fill. When I faced bullying as a kid, I couldn’t tell my parents. I didn’t want them to worry. In Chinese culture, we have a saying: 报喜不报忧 (report the good news, not the bad to your family) - so many of us choose silence, suffering alone rather than sharing our pain.

Even in adulthood, as I built my career and navigated friendships, business relationships, experiences, mistakes and successes, I realised that not everyone wanted the best for me. There were toxic individuals, people who took advantage of kindness, those who thrived on envy. But there were also extraordinary people - mentors, lifelong friends, and true supporters who taught me the power of authenticity, trust, and positivity. And it has been a wonderful experience to grow together with these friends, learning from each other, and becoming better versions of ourselves every day.

💬 If you compare the present you with the you from ten years ago, and if things have changed for the better, then you know - you are growing.

For next-gens navigating this world, here’s what can be learned:

✅ You will meet all kinds of people - some who uplift you, and some who try to tear you down.
✅ Nothing can protect you from betrayal, loneliness, or toxic relationships - not even wealth or privilege.
✅ But with emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and the right people around you, you can rise above it all.

1. The Loneliness of Growing Up in Privilege

Many next-gen heirs: especially in Asia - grow up surrounded by people, but still feel alone.

Why? Because in many Asian UHNW families:
🔹 Parents are too busy running businesses → There is little emotional guidance.
🔹 Children are sent abroad for education at a young age → They are forced to grow up without family around.
🔹 There is pressure to "keep it together" → Sharing struggles with family is often seen as a weakness.

For many Asian heirs, it’s culturally ingrained to not show pain or vulnerability. We hide betrayals, disappointments, and suffering, choosing silence over confrontation.

💬 “How can I tell my parents I’m struggling? They sacrificed so much to give me this life.”
💬 “They built this empire from nothing. How can I complain about my problems?”

So we learn to suppress emotions, to smile in public, to tell only the good stories - but inside, we are not okay.

This kind of loneliness is dangerous - it pushes some into self-doubt, and others into reckless behaviour. And it makes us more vulnerable to the wrong people.

2. Betrayal, Jealousy & Trust Issues

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned, and one that many people eventually realise, is that not everyone who smiles at you is your friend.

I’ve seen it all:
❌ Friends who turned out to be opportunists - only there for access, not real friendship.
❌ Commercial contacts who betrayed trust - once they got what they wanted, they disappeared.
❌ People who gossiped and spread false rumours - driven by jealousy and resentment.

There will always be people who resent you just for just existing. Some people cling to the outdated version of who you were, refusing to acknowledge your growth. Others simply can’t handle seeing you succeed.

💬 "Why does she deserve this life?"
💬 "She’s only successful because of family."

Toxic people don’t just attack because of money or business - they also attack happiness, progress, and anything that threatens their self-worth.

3. The Strength of Real Friendships & Mentorship

But through all this, I’ve also discovered the power of genuine friendships and true mentors - the kind of people who show up, not because they have to, but because they truly care.

I think of:

✅ The Ocean Conservation Circle, “Sapphire” - my inspirational Co-Chair Hayley Baillie, my incredible fellow committee friends (so many of them!), and all the supporters who have stood by our mission from the very beginning. Some were friends, others were friends of friends - but all became part of something bigger than themselves.

✅ Susan & David Rockefeller, who have been my mentors and inspirations for so long, guiding me with wisdom, authenticity, and generosity.

✅ Every single person who showed up, helped, and contributed to our collective cause over the years - not out of obligation, but out of belief in the mission and in each other.

✅ So many personal friends who have been there in both good times and bad. Some express their care in simple but meaningful ways: checking in when I go silent, cooking my favourite dishes just because, offering small but thoughtful gestures of kindness that remind me we are loved... (the list goes on).

✅ And the friends who stand up for you behind your back in the face of injustice - the ones who defend you not just when you're present, but when you’re not in the room to speak for yourself.

These relationships remind me - and all of us, that real friendships exist. Not everyone is transactional. Not everyone is there just for a season or a reason. There are people who truly want the best for you, with no hidden agenda, no ulterior motive - just pure, unwavering support.

And this is what I want next-gens to remember:

💙 Yes, you will encounter toxic people. But you will also meet extraordinary ones - the kind who stand by you, inspire you, and bring out the best in you.

💙 Focus on those who uplift you. And if you ever feel lost in a world of noise and pretence, remember - your true friends are the ones who care, even in silence.

4. How to Protect Yourself & Find the Right People

So how do you navigate trust, friendships, and relationships when you're born into wealth?

A. Pay Attention to Actions, Not Just Words

❌ Anyone can say the right things - but do they show up when it matters?
✅ Genuine people are consistent - they don’t only appear when they need something.

B. Be Mindful of Who You Share Your Vulnerabilities With

There will be moments when you need to talk, to share your struggles, your fears, or your deepest insecurities. It’s part of being human.

But here’s the hard truth: not everyone deserves access to your inner world.

📌 Some people will listen only to gather information - not to support you.
📌 Some will pretend to care, but use your weaknesses against you when it benefits them.
📌 Others may invalidate your feelings, making you doubt yourself even more.

💬 "I trusted them with something deeply personal, and they turned it into gossip."
💬 "I shared my struggles, and later, they used my words to discredit me."

When choosing who to confide in, ask yourself:
✔ Have they earned my trust over time?
✔ Do they also share their own vulnerabilities, or is it always one-sided?
✔ Do I feel lighter after speaking to them, or more unsettled?

Because true friends and mentors will hold your pain with care.
Toxic people will store it for future use, to control or hurt you later.

Protect your heart. Protect your mind. Share wisely.

C. Build a Strong Inner Circle

Your true friends and mentors will be your shield against toxic people.
Surround yourself with people who:
✔ Celebrate your wins without jealousy.
✔ Defend you even when you’re not in the room.
✔ Challenge you to be better, not bring you down.

D. Know That It’s Okay to Walk Away

If someone drains your energy, disrespects you, or brings constant negativity - cut them off.

You don’t need to explain.
You don’t need to fight.
You don’t need to tell others.

Simply walk away with grace, quietly. And if you ever see them again, smile politely, continue as normal, but always maintain a safe distance.

Protect your peace.

E. When to Take Legal or Serious Action

Not all betrayals or toxicity can be ignored - some situations require firm action.

There will be times when people’s attacks go beyond just words and become damaging to your reputation, business, or personal safety. In these cases, you must:

1. Protect Your Reputation & Integrity

📌 If someone spreads false rumours, defames, or publicly attacks you → Consult a legal advisor on defamation laws in your jurisdiction.
📌 If misinformation affects your career or business → Consider a claim for damages, a legal cease and desist letter or a reputation management strategy.

💬 "Silence is not always strength - sometimes, protecting your name requires action."

2. Secure Your Business & Assets

📌 If an ex-business partner or employee tries to sabotage your work → Have legal contracts in place and enforce confidentiality agreements.
📌 If someone uses privileged information without authorisation → Take immediate legal steps to prevent further damage.

💬 "Your wealth and work are not just personal—they represent your family’s legacy. Guard them wisely."

3. Protect Yourself from Serious Threats

📌 If someone crosses into harassment, stalking, or threats → Do not hesitate to involve legal authorities, the police.
📌 If cyberattacks, cyberbullying ("paper warriors"), blackmail, or data leaks occur → Work with cybersecurity professionals and legal advisors to track and stop the source, and seek recovery actions.

💬 "Your safety—mental, emotional, and physical—is always worth protecting."

The Key Takeaway: Be Strong, But Be Smart

✅ Not every attack needs a response - but some require legal protection.
✅ Never let fear of confrontation stop you from defending yourself.
✅ Sometimes, standing up for yourself isn’t just about you - it’s about protecting your reputation, your work, and the people who believe in you.

Silence is not always strength. In the world of wealth and influence, staying quiet isn’t always the best strategy.
Sometimes, action is the only way to send a clear message: you will not be taken advantage of.

5. The Life-Changing Power of Choosing Positivity

I have seen both the worst and the best of people. And I’ve learned that the only way to truly live well is to focus on the best.

If I had let betrayals consume me, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
If I had held onto resentment, I wouldn’t have built the friendships I have now.

The greatest lesson of all?

💙 Wealth doesn’t define you. Relationships do.
💙 You don’t need everyone to like you - just the right people.
💙 Toxic people will come and go, but true friendships will carry you through life.

So to every next-gen heir navigating trust, friendships, and loneliness:
💙 Surround yourself with people who make your world brighter.
💙 Stay away from those who try to dim your light.

And remember: you are never truly alone!

Final Thought: A Conversation, Not Just a Blog

I know that many next-gens reading this might not feel comfortable sharing their struggles openly. I get it, I’ve been there.

But if this resonates with you, know that you are not alone.

💬 Have you ever struggled with trust or loneliness? How did you overcome it?
💬 Do you have a story about a real friend or mentor who changed your life?

Talk with trusted friends, mentors, family, or seek professional support, and let’s create a better, stronger, more emotionally intelligent generation of leaders.